The 10 Coolest Footballer Names of All Time

Even if you’re a rubbish footballer, you can still be a winner with one of the coolest footballer names of all-time.

10. Max Power

A legendary name stolen from Homer Simpson, who got the idea straight off of a hair dryer. As good as his name is, Max Power never reached the Premier League.

9. Wolfgang Wolf

I need to make Wolfgang Wolf honorary president of my blog Wolfgang Sport. Wolfgang translates into Path of the Wolf in German. That means his name translates into Path of the Wolf Wolf. Maybe it’s supposed to be like woof woof? Either way it’s a super cool name for the former Bundesliga defender turned coach.

8. Jan Vennegor of Hesselink

The former Dutch international striker sounds like he’s a sovereign prince of some sort. His surname actually came about from the 1600s when two families – the Vennegoor and Hesselink families intermarried. Both families shared equal social status so instead of choosing one surname, both surnames was used. ‘Of’ is the Dutch translation of ‘Or’ and so rather than hyphenating surnames like in English, we’re left with one of the most royally sounding names in football.

7. Danny Drinkwater

Former England international Danny Drinkwater was banned from driving for 20 months in 2019 after driving his Range Rover into a wall while registering an alcohol reading of twice the driving limit. His parents tried to warn him. He really should’ve listened to his own name.

6. Gaëtan Bong

If Danny Drinkwater got on the piss, then you can guess what Cameroonian left back Gaetan Bong is going to be smoking tonight.

5. Christ Bongo

Christ Bongo represented the Republic of Congo. I feel like a rap superstar just saying that. Whenever he missed a goal, you could yell “Oh Christ” without feeling like you just broke the commandment “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain”.

4. Vagner Love

Back in 2012 Vagner Love had an interview with Playboy Brasil and spoke about the orgies he got involved in while playing in Brazil and Russia. His birthname is Vágner Silva de Souza but the interview makes sense now as he was given the surname Love as a result of his playboy lifestyle.

3. Danny Invincible

Australian Danny Invincible reached the heights of English League Two with Swindon Town and scored a goal on the last day which kept them in the Football League. He was very close to being capped at international level but suffered from back and hamstring injuries which he tried to solve by changing the position in his car seat. Not so invincible.

2. Laughter Chilembe

Yes, Laughter Cilembe is the name of a Zambian international who played 43 times for his national team.

1. Anthony Philip David Terry Frank Donald Stanley Gerry Gordon Stephen James Oatway

I kid you not, former midfielder Charlie Oatway’s full name is really Anthony Philip David Terry Frank Donald Stanley Gerry Gordon Stephen James Oatway. His parents were both fans of QPR and when deciding what the name would be of their son, they decided to name him after the entire promotion winning 1973 QPR first team.

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